J3 Life: Coach Renee for Wellness

Renee and I are flying to Tampa as I type this article for her debut in the Wellness Division. 2020 has been a crazy year for everyone, but especially for a first-time competitor. I say first time for Renee, because this was her first legit prep. She competed 7 years ago, and it was such a poor experience for her I think she just scrubbed as not even counted. So, Wellness came to the NPC/IFBB this year and she was all about the look and going all in. So, I hesitantly took the reins of the coaching side to bring her in. I say hesitantly because coaching your spouse can be a thin wire to walk between husband and coach, too much lean on one side you are jumping off the wire into shark infested water. But this was a beautiful process and I think it developed us more as a couple and as athlete/coach, here is why.

A Little Background

First you need to know, each situation is very individual. Some spouses are going to need a coach that is not their loved one. Renee came into my life knowing I was a bodybuilder and coach, this wasn’t’ something that I introduced midway through our relationship. I think starting in a different spot she might have a harder time seeing me in that role. Also, we are both very much a like in personality and mentality. We love blue collar hard work and just look to what we can do to be better. Quick story, first time I trained legs with Renee I did her leg workout and first lift was barbell squat. We were warming up and I asked how many reps we were shooting for and she said, “all of them”, my inner meat head lit up with love and also fear for the 20-rep set I was about to embark on. So glad I didn’t puke or pass out! So, point hear Renee thrives on training in a masochist way like me, so we got the same screws a little loose up top. We also are total boring home bodies and very introverted, so we love the bodybuilding lifestyle as it suits our hermit style lives. So, this process of prep we do every day, there is no switch to flip on or off, that shit stays on 24/7.

How to Make it Work

I tried my best to separate coach and husband interactions. So, Renee would check in with me via email and send pics just like all my clients. I would respond back and give her the plan. This way it further separated what type of interaction we would have in person. I would update her and then see her in the kitchen and jump into right back into husband mode. Harmful and helpful words can come quick in conversations but sitting on your thoughts before responding via email is helpful. I would never want to say, “You look watery today babe…oh and good morning”. That coach response might be translated as “my husband thinks I look fat and ugly”. Then there you go jumping into the shark tank. So, praise your wife the entire prep on her beauty, just like you always would. For coaching critiques only give information that she can do something with. Give a few good things you see her doing and then bring up an area to improve on.

I think another big one is NOT being the police. I am experienced competing and prepping, while Renee sees me do it, she hasn’t lived it out for herself. She isn’t going to do everything perfect the first time. One day I was eating at the counter and she was making a salad, one BIG ass salad, and lathering it up with G Hughes BBQ sauce. The sauce wasn’t measured, and the salad bowl just got upgraded to our extra-large bowl. I didn’t say a thing, but damn I wanted to. Could you imagine living with a spouse that makes you feel like you are constantly being watched, judged, and critiqued? It would be terrible. “weigh you mustard”, “do your posing”, “your lifting wrong” …ugh. You need to help build up their competency, not tear it down and make them feel like they can’t do anything right. Point out the things they do great and praise them, they truly love to hear that they make you proud. For situations you want to correct say “hey let’s review your plan and see if we left off any way to make you even better”. See you like my devilish smooth approach to that lol.

Also, a great coach and husband should be a keen listener. She has feelings and wants them to be heard and you have to respond in the right way to those. One morning Renee, was NOT happy with how she looked, “I look flat!”. I took up her emotions immediate and I got upset, like I was failing her, and I just wanted her to be happy. You can NOT do this! You will run the emotional gauntlet for 20 weeks of prep. So, I had to change my thought process and wear my husband cap to stuff like this. For example, if wife says, “damn I am so hungry, that pizza looks good”. You might think toughen up girl you want to win or not? This is NOT what you tell your wife! So, you give your support and empathy to emotions. There is no harm in saying “sorry you are hungry babe, can’t wait to smash pizza with you”. I had to become a better listener and also have more reflective on her feelings and my own.

The Best Part

For me, the best part of all of this was seeing her find a greater purpose and build confidence in herself. I love how she has so much vigor for her life and developed more as a person. As a couple producing something together is very fulfilling. Getting on stage shredded doesn’t sound that meaningful, but for both of us it was so much more. It was a self-actualization of us as individuals and as a couple. It made us both better versions of ourselves and together. These are memories I will cherish forever and glad we went for the crazy things we have set out to do. I am proud out of my mind of Renee and can’t wait to see her shine on stage! So, to the Tampa pro/am we go! The outcome will be what it is, but the win already happened for us along this journey.

Train Hard!
John Jewett MS RD IFBB Pro